Girl Power

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Women play key roles in lives of the girls they mentor

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By Heather Gascoigne

It’s a way of life.

It’s in my blood.

It is just how my family operates.

You have to give back.

It’s a joy to watch them grow.

When you ask women who give of their time and resources to mentor young girls why they do it, the answers are as varied as the women.

Whatever the reason, mentoring young girls is a growing need with huge rewards.

Girls Inc., a national girls’ empowerment organization, published in March 2000 a Girls Bill of Rights that outlines what a girl needs to grow up emotionally and mentally healthy.

According to Girls Inc., girls have the right to

> be themselves and to resist gender stereotypes

> express themselves with originality and enthusiasm

> take risks, to strive freely and to take pride in success

> accept and appreciate their bodies

> have confidence in themselves and be safe in the world

> prepare for interesting work and economic independence

And this is where mentors play a key role. While some girls receive support and encouragement from family members and trusted, older, female friends, others do not. And even those who do can benefit from the additional empowerment mentors provide.

Here are the stories of some of the mentors and mentoring organization leaders who are guiding southeastern Wisconsin youth.

Ardis Mosley

When Ardis Mosley, parent liaison at Kenosha’s Lincoln Middle School, talks about mentoring as a way of life, it’s not just words.

Mosley’s mother, the late Mary Lou Mahone, was well known in the community. Her work with the Boys & Girls Club, Urban League and the Lincoln Neighborhood Center is why there is a Mahone Middle School in Kenosha. She helped countless families struggling with poverty.

Mosley said she sees her work with The Dreamgirls as a natural extension of her mother’s legacy. The Dreamgirls is a girls’ group Mosley leads as part of Lincoln Middle School’s Community Learning Center after school program.

“My mom was a mentor, my dad was a mentor, my grandmother,” she said. “It was part of our culture as a family to mentor. People would come over and Granny and Mom would talk to them.

“The biggest reason why my mom was so successful in mentoring is because she was not just supplying people with the necessities but because she mentored them to show them how they could successfully obtain those things and keep them and how to do it the right way.”

And now Mosley carries on that tradition of mentoring with The Dreamgirls, a group that formed out of a cooking program that Mosley ran.

“I started meeting with girls during the course of the day — if teachers were having problems with girls being disrespectful, being out of sorts, out of line, dressing inappropriately,” she said. During the 2008-09 school year, the group was slowed by Mosley’s absence while she cared for her father, who died in October 2008.

“When I got back to school, the girls started asking me when we were going to start meeting again,” Mosley said.

The group covers education, dress, hygiene, budgets and money, college plans and hopes, health and, of course, boys. But for Mosley, it’s about helping the approximately 30 girls in the group learn the big lessons.

“It’s about learning who you are as a growing girl, a maturing young lady; about who you are as an individual,” she said. “This is what I want the girls to realize: ‘If I do right at this age and continue to do right, I will be OK with my life.’”

Claire Ackley

Thumbing through a small photo album over a cup of coffee, Claire Ackley said she knows exactly what her time as Jean Stevens’ Little Sister means to her.

“I would be a completely different person,” Ackley said. “There would be an entire chunk of me that’s not there; a huge part of me that’s a good part of me.”

Ackley, now 29, of Racine, was matched with Stevens through Big Sisters of Greater Racine when she 9 years old. Her parents had divorced and her police officer father, who had custody of Ackley and her younger brother, referred her to Big Sisters of Greater Racine.

The match with Stevens allowed Ackley, now an educational assistant for special education at Bradford High School in Kenosha, to have experiences as a child that she may not have been able to have otherwise, she said.

“She would take me to see ‘The Nutcracker.’ She took me to see the opera once. She bought me tennis lessons at the country club,” Ackley said. “That’s all stuff that I wouldn’t have had if it wasn’t for Jean.”

More important than the things, Ackley said, were the times she spent with Stevens and her family.

“When we weren’t doing things, we were just hanging out at her house,” Ackley said. “I would play with her (three) kids or I would help her cook. We always had meals at the table.”

At home, Ackley said, “when we ate together, we ate at the table, but my dad was picking up extra hours so we could go to private school. He was a really good father, but sometimes we put ourselves to bed. And with Jean, it was more of a family environment.”

For Ackley, however, the most important part of her relationship with Stevens was the caring.

“I seriously don’t know what would have happened with me,” she said. “She would always listen, and always give me advice. I think about that. I don’t know if I would have made it. I had depression and ADD (attention deficit disorder). High school was really hard for me. And I could always depend on her.”

Stevens said watching Ackley grow up has been a treat.

“I think about her a lot,” Stevens said of Ackley. “She’s really developed into such a wonderful person. It’s just so special to see where’s she’s at now.”

That type of relationship is one that Ackley is forging with Janet Faz, her own Little Sister through Big Sisters of Greater Racine. Janet, 14, needed a Spanish-speaking Big Sister, a requirement that Ackley was able to fill for the last three years.

“We try to go to the library at least once a week,” Ackley said of her time with her Little Sister. “We play on the laptop, and do homework and check out books. She comes over to my house, and we hang out. She’s really shy, and I’m typically shy, but we get along really well. We’re both real silly, just real goofy.”

And now Ackley said she appreciates what a Big Sister gets out of that unique relationship.

“I get in these ridiculous, depressed moods and I don’t want to talk to anyone,” Ackley said. “And then she’ll text me or I’ll text her and all of a sudden, I’m cheered up. I don’t know what it is. She makes me smile and I’m so proud of her.”

Keeshia Jones

“I’m here for a reason,” said Keeshia Jones, the lead adviser for SISTAS (Sisters Involved Strategically Towards Academic Success), which mentors African American female students in Kenosha Unified School District. “There are African-American girls who are failing, who are not graduating, and this is about what I can do to make a difference in their lives.”

SISTAS was created in 2003 by Norris Jones, the director of Kenosha Unified School District’s Office of Minority Academic Affairs and Keeshia’s husband. The office has five groups, including SISTAS and HERMANAS, which is for Hispanic American female students. Often missing for minority girls are instructors and successful adults who look like them.

The goal of SISTAS is to help girls learn the skills — academic, life and social skills — that will enable them to be successful. Even if the girls are hearing the message of self-worth from other sources, the SISTAS advisers are reinforcing that valuable lesson. And sometimes receiving that message from someone other than a parent gives it more meaning.

Keeshia is a wife, a busy mother of four (with a daughter who is a college freshman, twin boys who are in sixth grade and a son in fourth grade) and she is a full-time financial aid counselor at Marquette University. And yet, she is committed to the SISTAS program and the girls in it.

“I decided to become a mentor for the group in order to help present a positive image of African American women to our girls,” Keeshia said. “I know that growing up, I came from a two-parent household and had a mother who was a very positive influence in my life and great role model in the community, but I also had other family members, neighbors and church members who offered me a positive image of African American women, too.

“However, in today’s society, our young girls may not always see and have access to positive and professional African American women, and I think it is very important for them to see that we are right here in their community and that, most importantly, we care about their lives and their future.”

Keeshia said she hopes the girls involved with SISTAS will learn that they are valuable individuals, that they should think highly of themselves and that they owe it to themselves, their families and their community to strive to be the very best they can and always offer help to those in need.

“This is a passion that I know God has planted deep within me and one that I am deeply committed to, which is helping young girls reach their full potential and to love themselves no matter what,” she said. “My life, it just wouldn’t even be the same not having the SISTAS piece. My life is richly blessed because of my involvement, and SISTAS makes me a better person.

“I am giving a little of my time every month, but I am getting so much more in return — smiles, laughter, encouragement, sisterhood, joy and hope from the girls and women — and this is worth every second of my time. I am investing in the lives of these girls, and I know that there will be a big payoff and payback from them to our community and world.”

Tanya Woods

Gloria Chatman died in 2007, but her legacy lives on in Tanya Woods.

When Woods, of Kenosha, was in middle school and high school, Chatman was her teacher, adviser, coach.

“She was there for me no matter what, constantly guiding me down the right path and encouraging me to be the best me I can be,” said Woods, 27. “She was like another mother to me. My mentor. A true inspiration. I believe that she is why I am the person I am today.”

Woods, a single mother who completed her undergraduate degree at the University of Wisconsin-Parkside, is working on her master’s degree. She works full time as co-director of the Workforce Investment Act for the Boys & Girls Club of Kenosha and facilitates the Club’s Reflection of U program, which consists of a group of teens and young women age 16 to 24 who focus on being role models in the community by undertaking community service projects. Woods’ sister, Latasha Woods, is co-facilitator of Reflection of U.

In the girls and young women she mentors, Tanya Woods sees herself.

“I want to be their guidance and support, I want to help them make good choices,” Tanya said. “I want to be their Mrs. Chatman.”

Among those Tanya has mentored is Jasmine Minett, 19. Quiet and reserved when they met, Minett became an assistant for the department Tanya worked in.

“It was hard to get her to talk and open up about herself. I knew she was a very smart girl, but she was extremely shy and wouldn’t show that side of herself,” said Tanya, who invited Minett to join Reflection of U.

Gradually, Minett started offering ideas, and as trust grew between the two so did Minett’s self-confidence and self-esteem. Today Minett is president of the Reflection of U group and she attends UW-Parkside.

“She either e-mails, texts or calls every day. She is truly going to be someone special,” Tanya said. “In many ways, I became her Mrs. Chatman. Now, she is a mentor, too.”

Tanya hopes that those she helps will become leaders in their communities.

“I want them to feel good about themselves and about the contributions they make to society,” Tanya said, adding that mentoring has been extremely fulfilling for her.

“It provides a joy like no other. To know that I am constantly making a difference in someone’s life is truly a blessing for me,” she said. “I meet young ladies and young girls from all walks of life. It helps me not only to be able to understand what they go through but to also help them overcome some of the barriers they may be facing. I feel that I am really making a difference.

“I believe it was (Mahatma) Gandhi who said, ‘You must be the change you want to see in the world.’ Being a mentor not only gives you this opportunity but it also gives you the chance to help and guide someone who really is in need.”

Roz Lenzke

Roz Lenzke, a case worker for Big Brothers Big Sisters of Racine and Kenosha Counties, said she knows that when a girl is mentored successfully, it’s not just the girl who benefits.

“When a girl is mentored, it helps the family, the child, the cultural community,” she said. “When we can get kids on the right track, the whole community benefits from it.”

Big Brothers Big Sisters of Racine and Kenosha Counties has several opportunities for one-on-one mentoring with girls, including community-based, school-based and faith-based mentoring and chaperone service.

Community-based mentoring is the most familiar method. A volunteer is screened and matched with a child who has been referred to the program, usually by the child’s parent.

Lenzke said that while the agency asks for a one-year commitment to be a Big Sister or Big Brother, most matches last between three and five years.

“We had one match, a girl came to us at 6 years old and was matched up with a Big Sister and the match ended when she graduated high school,” Lenzke said. “It may not seem like a big deal, but she was the first person on both sides of her family to graduate high school.

“Our program makes an impact.”

One-on-one mentoring often helps girls who are at high risk stay on track, Lenzke said. Big Brothers Big Sisters helps decrease the likelihood of confrontation with police, as well as the incidence of smoking, drinking and teen pregnancy.

The program requires a background check, as well as progress toward a measurable goal with a Little Sister. Usually, that goal is school-related, but success in school is an important part of helping a child with self-respect and self-esteem.

“We start with a measurable goal and break it down into tiny steps,” Lenzke said. A match with a goal, for example, of raising a Little Sister’s math grade may need to tackle tardiness issues and individualized help in order to accomplish the goal.

Getting a child to commit to attending class on time and receiving help, and the resulting improvement in a child’s grades, can lead to advances in the child’s self-esteem, Lenzke said, adding, “Once you find that you can be successful at something instead of being ashamed of your work, you raise your head and say, ‘I can do this. I’m proud of myself.”

Ruth Ann Grayson

Big Sisters of Greater Racine is an independent mentoring organization that started in 1968. The group, much like Big Brothers Big Sisters, focuses on one-on-one mentoring and the value it offers young girls. The group’s motto is “Changing lives two by two.”

The group, which has between 50 and 60 matches at any time, asks for a one-year commitment from potential Big Sisters. Little Sisters are referred to the program between the ages of 5 and 14. If they are in an active match, Little Sisters may stay in the program until they turn 18 or graduate high school.

Ruth Ann Grayson, director of volunteers for Big Sisters of Greater Racine, said the average length of a match is five to 10 years.

Grayson has been director of volunteers for 21 years, and she has been involved with the organization for 30 years.

The focus of Big Sisters of Greater Racine is to help expose girls to activities and events that they may not otherwise experience. For some, that means swimming lessons or a camp experience, but the most important part is the relationship with a Big Sister.

“A relationship with a Big Sister helps the Little Sister be a better citizen, and make better decisions,” Grayson said. “We see girls who cry when they graduate and leave the program; it does mean something to them.”

Grayson said the basis of volunteering to be a Big Sister is very simple.

“They want to give back to a young person,” she said. “These are people who have a real love for children. And it gives these girls a relationship with someone other than their family who really believes in them.”

Grayson remains in contact with three of four little sisters she was matched with.

“It’s not as scary as you might think, working with someone else’s teenager,” she said.

Sue Antrim and Annie Spencer

The rewards of mentoring don’t all go to the girls being mentored.

Sue Antrim and Annie Spencer, both of Kenosha, have found after four years of co-leading Troop 7193, they get as much out of the work as their Girl Scouts do.

The pair began working with the troop when their daughters joined. Antrim’s youngest daughter, Emma, joined in first grade and Spencer’s twin girls, Wendy and Becky, joined in third grade. Those three girls, and Chelsea Steeves and Kathryn Kirk, and their mothers, Sandra Steeves and Karen Kromm, make up the troop.

The troop’s activities — blood drive, 9/11 ceremony, Holiday House — are made all the more impressive watching the now 16-year-olds speak to powerful people in the community about the work they are doing.

“When I watch them meet with the mayor and the fire chief and the police chief, I get such pride, I just well up,” Antrim said. “And it’s not easy as they make it look. One time, Annie and I had to fill in and we stood up there and just shook. But they always do it well.”

The group is working on a project for their Gold Award, the highest Girl Scout honor. They secured land and are seeking funding for a meditation labyrinth at Kenosha’s Wolfenbuttel Park.

The girls have made presentations to Kenosha’s parks department and Youth As Resources, a grant-giving program that funds youth-designed, youth-led service projects in Kenosha County.

“Together, they’re invincible,” Spencer said of the girls.

Antrim said encouraging them underscores one of her favorite sayings: “Strong women: Know one. Be one. Raise one.”

“When it’s the five of them, you see an energy,” Antrim said, adding that she and Spencer hope the satisfaction the girls experience from helping others will remain forces in their lives.

“We would absolutely burst with pride if they carry on with volunteerism when they are older,” said Antrim, who refers to herself and Spencer as “throw-back hippies.” But rather than reminisce about peace and love and activism, they have decided to make a statement with their actions. As co-leaders of a Girl Scout troop, they’re still trying to make the world a better place.

“It’s easy to write a check and make a donation, but it’s more important if you back that up with action. It takes time and effort to (be a mentor) but it’s so rewarding,” Antrim said. “You just have to believe in what you’re living.”

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